Sooo bored... Who wants to be my new buddy

I'm back. You should talk to me. Yes, I'm talking to you.

PEYTON MANNING LANDS IN AZ AT 8:22!!! Im waay too excited about this

Yes, I can teach you how to duggie. Now stop asking.

I think I just witnessed insurance fraud. Guy threw something at his house and it went up in flames.

Any interesting people online?

I

What do you think Victoria's Secret is?

Wants to assemble a koala army with the sole purpose of carrying me around

I have the meat. So I make the rules.

Booze improvisation. Did you know if you mix watermelon rum, peach schnapps, and diet coke it tastes like nerds?

Lol. Some guy got caught by the police marinating a cat

I think I'm watching my neighbor go insane before my eyes

Likes that awkward moment when Sean Kingston gets injured and someone screams "Someone call 911!"

Facebook wants to know what I'm thinking. Twitter wants to know what I'm doing. Foursquare wants to know where I am. And FuBar does the rest. Conclusion: The internet is my girlfriend

insert hilarious statement here

Just saw a study on tv that says females feel that attractive guys have a feminine face structure... So apparently you guys think I look like a girl. Thanks guys...

Is thankful to Ke$ha for teaching me how to spell dinosaur

When I'm done with them they'll be so smart they'll be able to program their VCR without pouring pipping hot gravy all over myself.

Yeah Barry...